Aaron and Luke

2 years ago today, my best friend Luke Gaul died after choosing to end his own life. At his funeral, I promised to tell his story. Over time, this has now become our story.

Luke was kind, beautiful and still the funniest person I know. I could share memories that I have, but I’ll save those anecdotes for days that aren’t as meaningful as today. Instead, I wanted to talk about the ways in which he’s changed me.

Luke changed my life in ways I never realised and is still changing it today. Luke has become the reason for every late night at work. Luke has become the reason that I’m now 100 hours up on my timesheet. Luke is the reason I feel like my life is going in the right direction. Luke is the reason I’m now 130 days sober. Luke is the reason that I can now run 5 kilometres without passing out. Luke is the reason I get up every morning and have the urge to smash the day in the face.

Luke is the reason I try so hard to make you laugh. Luke is the reason that I’ll ask you 10 questions before you ask me anywhere. Luke is the reason I will know you for five minutes yet still offer you life advice. Luke is the reason I try to encourage every single person I meet to be their best self. Luke is the reason I’ll be snappy when you’re wasting time. Luke is the reason that I try to be as warm as possible to everyone that I meet. Luke is the reason I get angry when I don’t get what I want. Luke is the reason I will always fight for change.

Luke is the reason I am the person I’m becoming.

He’s the photograph we sellotape to the wall in Event Control. That’s my reminder that he’s the one I’m doing it for.

Luke is the reason I want to do well. Luke is the reason I want to be the best.

Every day I wake up and remember that I’m living my life for him now. Every single part of it.

Because he doesn’t get to live anymore.

I’m not qualified to offer support or advice on matters as difficult as mental health. But if you want me to be there for you, I can. Whether we’ve met once or twice, or know each other really well. Whether we haven’t seen each other in years, or we texted five minutes ago. I can be here for you, in whatever way that means.

To Luke Gaul, the best man I ever met.